Sunday, June 27, 2010

A hard goodbye

This afternoon Chris and I packed Kate up with my parents and we headed out to visit my Grandma Parker. She has been going down hill since the day my pops died and the last time I saw her was in December. When we got to her house today my family sent me in to wake her up. I thought I would be fine, little did I know. I walked in her room and found her laying in bed with her comforter over half her face. I could not believe my eyes when I pulled it back. My grandma who used to have some good meat on her is now down to skin and bones, literally. Her brown curly hair was now long and white. Her face was pail and there was no life there anymore. I held her hand and said "Grandma, it's nikki. Wake up. I brought Kate to see you. Please wake up." Over and over and nothing. She would roll her eyes back and that was the only signal I got. My dad walked in and got her to wake up. She smiled at me and said a few words. I asked her if she wanted me to help get her out of bed to come join us in the living room. She said no so I told her I would hold her hand to help her get up but she didn't want to. She was tired and freezing. I asked if I could bring her some toast or water but she declined. My grandma who I used to shop until I dropped with is now laying lifeless in her bed. Her mind is gone, her body is weak and she is just waiting for Jesus to come and take her home. It was such a horrible feeling as I was sitting next to her in bed wondering if she even knew who I was. I'm not really sure. She smiled at me like she recognized it was me but that's all I got.
Needless to say, I lost it. I sat on the couch and just cried. I miss my Pops terribly, I miss my grandma, I miss the way things used to be. Their farm is gone. All they have left are 3 sad birds, a turtle and some cats. The life of their home is gone. It's just a house now. I walked around the backyard with my mom and we cried, we walked in the garage where my Pop's workshop was and cried again. So many sweet memories. That's all it is now. Thankful that we have so many sweet memories and no one can ever take them away. My grandma is getting moved into a home on July 17th. It will be a huge sigh of relief for the whole family but so hard. I can't stand to think that when she leaves on July 17th that she will never return to her home. We are praying that Jesus will take her home to be with Him soon. She is ready, her body is ready and for once I can say that I too am ready. He has prepared my heart and today I felt like I let it go. Peace is priceless. Oh how my heart hurts but the joy she will soon experience is what gives me peace.
This evening as I was cleaning my kitchen I got a phone call from my grandpa Marshall. He heard about my hard day and just called to tell me how sorry he was and that he loves me. I can't even begin to describe what that meant to me. I adore my grandpa, I would go to the moon and back for him, do anything he needed and for him to call and tell me that made everything seem so much better. I told him what an amazing grandpa he is and told him how much I love him. I don't know if he will ever understand my love for him. I'm so thankful. My family is precious, they are everything to me and tonight my heart is at peace.

1 comment:

Jamie Fingal said...

Sending you much love tonight Nikki Nu Nu -and God's sweet peace to carry you along life's winding road, through the hills and valleys.