Skip to main content

A hard goodbye

This afternoon Chris and I packed Kate up with my parents and we headed out to visit my Grandma Parker. She has been going down hill since the day my pops died and the last time I saw her was in December. When we got to her house today my family sent me in to wake her up. I thought I would be fine, little did I know. I walked in her room and found her laying in bed with her comforter over half her face. I could not believe my eyes when I pulled it back. My grandma who used to have some good meat on her is now down to skin and bones, literally. Her brown curly hair was now long and white. Her face was pail and there was no life there anymore. I held her hand and said "Grandma, it's nikki. Wake up. I brought Kate to see you. Please wake up." Over and over and nothing. She would roll her eyes back and that was the only signal I got. My dad walked in and got her to wake up. She smiled at me and said a few words. I asked her if she wanted me to help get her out of bed to come join us in the living room. She said no so I told her I would hold her hand to help her get up but she didn't want to. She was tired and freezing. I asked if I could bring her some toast or water but she declined. My grandma who I used to shop until I dropped with is now laying lifeless in her bed. Her mind is gone, her body is weak and she is just waiting for Jesus to come and take her home. It was such a horrible feeling as I was sitting next to her in bed wondering if she even knew who I was. I'm not really sure. She smiled at me like she recognized it was me but that's all I got.
Needless to say, I lost it. I sat on the couch and just cried. I miss my Pops terribly, I miss my grandma, I miss the way things used to be. Their farm is gone. All they have left are 3 sad birds, a turtle and some cats. The life of their home is gone. It's just a house now. I walked around the backyard with my mom and we cried, we walked in the garage where my Pop's workshop was and cried again. So many sweet memories. That's all it is now. Thankful that we have so many sweet memories and no one can ever take them away. My grandma is getting moved into a home on July 17th. It will be a huge sigh of relief for the whole family but so hard. I can't stand to think that when she leaves on July 17th that she will never return to her home. We are praying that Jesus will take her home to be with Him soon. She is ready, her body is ready and for once I can say that I too am ready. He has prepared my heart and today I felt like I let it go. Peace is priceless. Oh how my heart hurts but the joy she will soon experience is what gives me peace.
This evening as I was cleaning my kitchen I got a phone call from my grandpa Marshall. He heard about my hard day and just called to tell me how sorry he was and that he loves me. I can't even begin to describe what that meant to me. I adore my grandpa, I would go to the moon and back for him, do anything he needed and for him to call and tell me that made everything seem so much better. I told him what an amazing grandpa he is and told him how much I love him. I don't know if he will ever understand my love for him. I'm so thankful. My family is precious, they are everything to me and tonight my heart is at peace.

Comments

Jamie Fingal said…
Sending you much love tonight Nikki Nu Nu -and God's sweet peace to carry you along life's winding road, through the hills and valleys.

Popular posts from this blog

A healthier me.

Remember my Trust your gut  post?I feel like a whole new girl since I wrote that a month ago.  So many things have been confirmed and I feel like my happy healthy self again. 
All because of two things; 1. The gallbladder cleanse that I posted about.  Literally saved my gallbladder and my sanity.  No more stomach pain! And I can drink wine and margaritas without pain again! 🙌🏼
2. I found out that I have a sensitivity to gluten. It's still a mystery to me as to how I developed this but all I know is that when I do have gluten my joints hurt, I get awful headaches and an upset stomach along with bloating. 
Back to my first post about this... I took a "before picture" thinking I was going to 5-10 pounds and then post my "after" picture. 😂😂😂
Truth is, there are still plenty of calories in gluten free food. The other truth is I'm 80-20 gluten free. I still enjoy a few non-gluten free treats here and there (and then pay for it later). 
I love food. I reward myself wit…

Trust your gut

If you've followed me on Instagram for a while you've seen that I've been struggling with pain, nausea and some other lovely side effects every single time I put something in my mouth. 😭I've been in the ER, to a specialist and was about to go in for a hidascan before I canceled it 20 hours before I was to go in.  I was uneasy about the scan in the first place. I knew it was going to show issues with my gallbladder. I had every symptom. I also knew that the next step after the scan was surgery to remove my gallbladder. I know it's an organ that isn't quite necessary but being a mom with 4 small babes, surgery wasnt the best option.  I mean it would be nice to have an excuse to lay around for a bit but let's be real, that wouldn't even happen. 🤦🏼‍♀️ #momlife I felt this super strong thing come over me the morning before to scan telling me to cancel it and change my lifestyle a bit.  I love food y'all. That's no surprise. I have 17 pounds to lose to…

Homemade Pop Tarts

To be honest, I’m not a fan of the boxed pop tarts but homemade ones make me weak in the knees. Our local coffee shops here in Tennessee sell them and they’re my guilty pleasure.  I decided to take a quiet Tuesday morning and make some with my sweet boy. 
Here’s what I did..
HOMEMADE POP TARTSYIELD:9 servings PREP:1 hour COOK:25 minutes TOTAL:1 hour 25 minutes These are simple and SO delicious! A flaky, buttery pastry with strawberry and brown sugar cinnamon fillings, and they’re frosted, of course! INGREDIENTS:For the Brown Sugar-Cinnamon Filling½ cup (99 grams) light brown sugar1½ teaspoon ground cinnamon4 teaspoons all-purpose flourFor the Strawberry Filling¾ cup strawberry jam1 tablespoon cornstarch1 tablespoon waterFor the Pastry Crust2 cups all-purpose flour1 tablespoon granulated sugar1 teaspoon salt1 cup unsalted butter, cold and cubed1 egg2 tablespoons milkFor the Egg Wash1 egg1 tablespoon milkFor the Plain Icing¾ cup powdered sugar1 tablespoon milk¼ teaspoon vanilla extractFor the C…