Monday, December 5, 2011

More thoughts.

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind. In a way they have gone fast and in a way it sort of feels like time has stood still. It is unbelievable how fast my life changed and how different it was two weeks ago tonight. I'm sure the majority of you are wondering why losing my grandpa has been as difficult on me as it has. I realize that what I had with him was something special and is not something everybody gets to experience. My grandparents have always played a very large roll in my life. I called them for everything. Whether it was to just talk about the day, to vent about something that was bugging me or if I needed a little encouragement. One of the last conversations I had with my grandpa was about the trip to anywhere in the world that Chris won. He was so excited for us and said, "why don't you use the airfare to fly to Hawaii and stay in our timeshare?" That's how he was, always wanting to do things for us and he did. I look around our house and almost every piece of furniture was bought by them. Our dining room furniture, our bedroom set, the rocker in the nursery, Kate's toy box and most recently our new double stroller. He would have paid our house off if he could, he was just that way. We treasured each other. I would do anything for them and I did my best with all I had within me. I knew this day would come when I could no longer pick up the phone and talk to him. I wanted to know that when it was all said and done and he was with Jesus that I would have no regrets. It feels so good to lay here tonight and smile as I think about what we had. I'm at peace and joy fills my heart when I think about where he is at this very moment. He is home in Heaven with the Creator or Heaven and Earth! He is healed! He is no longer suffering and has no more pain. Do you know how comforting that is? Tonight something very special happened at our dinner table with our Kate. I won't go into details but I will say that God is so good and blessed us with a very special gift in letting us know that my grandpa is watching over us. It's something I will never forget. I love how the Lord knows exactly what we need and when to give it to us. We are so undeserving of His loving kindness and I am so thankful that He still chooses to pour it out upon us.
My precious grandma is not is good shape at all. I know the Lord is preparing a place for her in Heaven and I am soaking up all the time I can with her. If I could, I would sit with her all day and take care of her every need. I want to bless her like she has blessed my life. The only way I know how is to pour out my love on her, comfort her and pray the Jesus will meet her where she is at and meet all the needs that is not humanly possible. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I look back on all the sweet memories we have shared. Oh how I would love to go back and relive some of them. But instead I will move ahead, thankful for what I have had and cling tight to those memories. God has great things in store and I am confident that He will heal this hurt that is in my heart and one day these tears will turn into smiles when I look back at what I'm going through today.
God is faithful! He always has been and always will be! I keep reminding myself of that saying.."If God brings us to it, He IS going to get us through it." I believe that with all of my heart. Just because things don't always go as we have planned, doesn't mean that God isn't paying attention or He doesn't care. One day when our day comes and we stand before the Lord it will all make sense. I am confident of this. But for now, it's time to press on and live a life that is sold out for Jesus. I want to be like my grandpa leave a legacy just like he has...

the light of his life

 A Sunday afternoon bbq by the pool

So blessed to be loved by them
Life each day with no regrets,
you never know when it will be your last.

1 comment:

Jamie Fingal said...

A very loving tribute to Grandpa. You have such a gift when it comes to writing and expressing how you feel. Grandpa would be proud. I am more at peace in knowing he is in Heaven. Till we meet again. Love you, Nikki.