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jogging down memory lane

I've been thinking about time a lot recently...

How much time I spend not sleeping due to caring for my babies, how much time it takes to get the house going and everyone ready for the day and how much time it takes to wind the house down at night only to get in bed and do it all over again the next day.

Then there's that realization of, oh my gosh I can't believe our first born is already two and a half years old and our baby boy is almost 6 weeks old. There are those days that are so sweet where I wish I could freeze time and then those days I wish I could speed up time and get past certain phases. 

Finally there are those days that I look back on and can't believe they are gone forever. F O R E V E R. 

I think we all have those moments where we smell something that takes us back to an old memory or a song that will take you right back to that special place or certain person. I've been having a lot of those moments recently. 

I've spent so much time thinking back on my childhood these past couple of months and it all seems so surreal. In a way I feel like those days were just yesterday.

 I close my eyes and I'm back on my grandma and grandpa Parker's "farm". I'm tending to all the animals, shopping with my grandma, cutting and coloring my grandpas hair, eating my heart out and being spoiled rotten. I smell a certain fireplace smell and I'm right back in a little cabin in Big Bear with my family and picture myself building snowmen with my Pops. Big bags of peanuts remind me of him feeding all the squirrels in the mountains. Unconditional love is a word that comes to mind when I think of them. I can count the number of times they got mad at me on one hand. That says a lot because I was stubborn child. They might not have had much but I will never forget how they loved me.

More recently songs and smells have taken me back to time with my grandpa Marshall and grandma Earla. Days that really were just yesterday. I close my eyes and can hear my grandpa talking to me, always encouraging me and teaching me something new. I remember all of the stories he would tell, so many of them with laughter and others with tears as he would tell me about the war and how blessed we are to live in this great country. I think back to all of the sleep overs I had at their house on Ogle Street and how special they made me feel each time I came over. Grandpa would make his blueberry pancakes while wearing his famous apron and grandma would always make me my favorite dinners. Their house always seemed so magical. Now that they are no longer there and their house is almost empty.. the magic is gone. I never imagined I would see my favorite house empty. I'm just going to close my eyes and remember the way it was.

To this day the smell of fresh cut grass takes me back to our old house on Mayfair Ave, I'm a little girl who spent every minute while the sun was up outside. I'm riding my bike around the neighborhood, building forts on the side of the house and my dad is working in the garden. 

I never thought those days would be gone. It's been four years today since that chapter in my life started to close. Four year ago I lost my Pops, one year ago we lost grandma Parker, three months ago we lost grandpa Marshall and now we're clinging onto the short time that we have left with grandma Earla. I look at my sweet grandma and so badly want to rewind time and have her back to the way she used to be before parkinsons took over her body. But instead I will cherish the time that I have left with her and shower her with all my love.

Time, it goes so fast.

So thankful for my past and all of the sweet memories that I carry with me. Now it's time I cling tight to the memories that are being made at this very minute with my precious babies and our parents for one day all too soon they too will just be memories.

I think I'll just close my eyes and turn on "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift because then I am back on a beautiful road in Nashville with all the ones I love in the place I love most. 

...and this song that's playing, it's what I heard as I pulled out of my grandparents house yesterday after cleaning it out. I totally felt like it was a sign that my grandpa was there with us. I'm so thankful for such sweet tearful reminders. 


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