I knelt by her side when I had to say goodbye around 1am this morning and she gripped my hand so hard. My heart broke, it felt as if she didn't want me to leave her but I also felt that it was her way of telling me that she loves me. Again I left and prayed for the Lord's perfect timing to take her home amongst the hundreds of tears that fell from my tired eyes.
She has been stable today but hasn't said much. She no longer wants water or even to have her lips swabbed to keep them moist. I asked my mom to call me if she woke up so I could talk to her one last time. We didn't think that would happen since her body is becoming weaker and more tired by the minute BUT my mom told me to call and she would put the phone up to her ear.
I had no clue what to expect, I figured I would just do all the talking so she could hear me one last time. The Lord had something better in store. This is what happened:
me: Hi grandma! --pause-- grandma: Hiiii Nikki (said as if she was smiling) I burst into tears, she knew it was me and said hi! I told her some things and asked if she is excited to see grandpa to which she replied, "I can't wait". I told her how much I love her and then she told me the same. I had Kate get on the phone... Kate: Hi GG! Grandma: choo choo? Me: Grandma, it's Kate! Kate: I wub you GG! Grandma: I love you too. Kate: I love you, bye!
And then the tears flowed because little does my precious baby girl know that would be the last time she got to talk to her GG whom she adores. It was beyond precious and I can't tell you what a gift it was. The waiting is so hard. My heart is at peace because I am confident that she knows how much she is loved but it's broken into hundreds of pieces because a huge part of my life is gone. Watching someone you love with all of your heart die is gut wrenching. We love deep and that is why this journey is so incredibly hard. I've always said that I would rather love deep and have it hurt so bad at the end than to not have given all of my love. There is something so sweet and pure about the love that I shared with my grandparents and I am confident that I will carry their love with me for the rest of my life.
I am sick over the fact that I will never hear her sweet voice on the other end again but I anxiously await the day we are all reunited in Heaven with Jesus. I have said my alohas and am so thankful for that last conversation with grandma.
And now we continue to wait... wait for the exact time that the Lord has planned for her home going. That blessed moment that has been planned since the beginning of time. Please Lord let it be soon!
"A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. And the day you die is better than the day you are born." Ecclesiastes 7:1
Thank you Jesus for the hope that we have in you for everlasting life!