Sunday, March 24, 2013

Identity

Nikki Andrews.

I'm Chris' wife and Kate and Will's mom. 
I pour my life, my everything into those three souls. 

^
That's who I am. 

I never thought about my identity too much until recently.  When I was working {pre-kids} I was Chris' wife and the High School Administrator. Work was never "who I was" but it was part of me and was what I did. Now that I've been home for almost 5 years I have come to realize that my identity is found in my children.

 It all clicked when I was at Target child free and a mom with her very loud and wild children said something to me like, oh enjoy the quiet! I smiled and told her that I was and then quickly followed it up by telling her that my two children were at home with daddy and so on. Ever since that moment I now feel the need to wear a sign on my chest that says I'M A MOM when my children are not with me. Or when I'm grocery shopping with Will while Kate is at school and a mom tells me to enjoy every minute because it goes so fast! I find myself saying, I know...I have a 3 year old too. It DOES goes too fast!

Why do I feel the need to respond and tell people that I'm a mom to two precious children?

Chris and I went on a little weekend getaway and were surrounded by families with little ones. We would be at dinner and couples would smile at us like we were on our honeymoon or something. Again I wanted the world to know that we have two children who were at home with their mimi and papa.

I've never felt so insecure about myself than when my children aren't with me. That sounds so weird and is the honest truth and is something that I am working on daily. I give my all to our babies and it feels like a piece of my heart is missing when we're not all together. 

I will be the first one to say that alone time is GOOD and is HEALTHY for all. I don't want to be the kind of mom who can never leave her children and have them become so dependent on me or vise versa that it makes growing up even harder. Same goes for our marriage, we need little getaways together away from the kids to reconnect. It also makes us crazier about the kids and appreciate the wild times even more. 

All of that being said, my kids are who I have found myself in. I am doing what I was created to do. To be a mom, to love and encourage and nurture and grow little lives.

But I don't want them to be my identity. Just like I would never let any other job identify who I was.

Maybe it's just a phase? Since my life is completely consumed by these two little ones who are completely dependent on me to take care of all their needs. I wouldn't change it for the world. I just never noticed how "lost" I am when they aren't by my side.

Anyone else out there struggling with this? 
Surely I'm not alone..





2 comments:

Lauren said...

I can totally relate. I feel that way too when I am at work/get off work and go run an errand without the little. I see a mommy/baby team and I want to scream, "I have one too!" Also, it's sometimes hard on date nights to NOT bring up the babes, cuz I feel like that's all I know and understand. We do talk about him (of course) but I feel like that we should talk about things we used to before the babes came around.

I'm struggling with feeling more like this as I am done with work this week and staying home full time. I liked my "work Lauren" person, it's going to be hard to say goodbye to her! We need a play date :)

esquiremomma said...

You are NOT alone! This is a natural way to feel because you are the one taking care of every little need, want, and desire for your precious little ones. I think it shows you are doing an amazing job momma! Your heart is so big that it breaks a little when you are apart from them. I go through the exact same thing. What helps me is having my own activities that I do alone that have nothing to do with my DH or kids. For me that is singing. But it could be anything, whatever you love to do...exercise, book club, tennis, dancing, whatever. Whatever it is try to do it once a week as part of your routine and I guarantee you will feel more secure in your own identity,