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This is my cry...

I am going to be really honest and open in this post.... I'm always honest and open but this is a little... graphic. This morning was my 38 week check up with my OB. I was super excited to see my doctor and to find out what was going on. I had a good morning and got a lot done around the house. I spent some time in prayer and was just excited to see what the day was going to hold. As I was driving to the appointment I started to throw up. I held it back a couple times and as I was on the 22 freeway I lost it. I can't tell you how many times I threw up. It was all over my face, my sunglasses, my lap, my seat.... it just kept coming. I don't even know how I got to the doctor's office without getting in an accident. I was crying out to the Lord in complete distress. I pulled into a parking spot and did my best to clean myself up and get my car cleaned up as best I could. I have never been so grossed out or more embarrassed. I found the closest restroom and scrubbed my dress with soap and water trying to hide the smell but nothing worked. The elevator ride up to my doctor was humiliating. I know everyone could smell me and one man even made a comment saying "wow, it smells like someone spilled food in here!". I smiled and said..."yeah, it sure does" and ran out of there as fast as I could. I was so relieved once I got in the office. I was the only patient, thank God! I got right in and tried to explain myself to the nurse and she gave my doctor a heads up on the morning I was having. My doctor came in and could not have been sweeter. I was doing well and trying to have a good attitude about my mess and finally couldn't take it anymore. I laid on the table and just cried. He then told me that my urine sample wasn't good, it came back with showing protein. Not sure what that means but it's always been perfect. He then did an internal and told me that I have not made any progress. That was disappointing news. He then measured my tummy and said that I am now measuring 3 weeks behind. It should be measuring 38 inches and instead its at 35. He isn't too concerned about Kate. He thinks that I am measuring behind because she is so low and I am so tall. Thankfully he takes every precaution and is having me go in for a very extensive ultrasound on Wednesday afternoon to measure her and make sure shes growing on track. He did say that if something doesn't look right then he will induce me on Friday. I'm going to be honest and ask people to be careful with their comments on this. I am really tired of being questioned by people on getting induced. The doctor knows whats best for Kate and we completely trust him. Is being induced my first choice? No. Are we ready for her to be here? Yes. We want what is best for her. I don't care how she gets here, as long as she is safe and healthy. I have been beat up by peoples comments on this saying its not natural and what not. Please understand that we aren't going to do anything that would put our daughter is danger or distress. I am having an extremely hard time right now. I am throwing up everyday due to really bad heartburn. I'm miserable. I've also lost 5 pounds since my last appointment. You would think I would be happy about that but I need to be gaining weight right now, not losing it. Ahh we are ready to meet her. Today, I feel like I have been defeated. I guess through this post all I'm asking is for support. Please continue lifting us up in prayer and support whatever decision is made.


Lauren Robuck said…
Nikki! I'm so sorry to hear about everything! Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers and I only wish the best for you and baby Kate! Keep your head held high! xoxo
Leah said…
Oh nikki, what a day. I was induced with Sophia and everything was great, and like you said, your doctor knows best. Your faith is strong and she will be here in no time - healthy and beautiful. Cant wait for pictures.
Leah (Lauren's sister)
Drew and Kristi said…
god knows how baby kate is going to arrive, and he has both of you in his loving hands! i was induced with hayden because he was late and chose to with reagan because it went so smoothly with him. if that is how she's born, im sure everything will go wonderfully! either way, you dont have that much longer to wait! i'll be praying for you and hope you feel better!! :-)
Jamie Fingal said…
You are in good hands all the way around. I was induced with Jen, and look how great she turned out! Take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay positive.
Amy said…
Dear Lord, I lift up Nikki to you today. I know it can be so hard some days and we are so grateful that You are our strength when we just don't have any left. Please give her joy and peace this day. Let her feel Your love upon her. Let her be encouraged that You are the ruler of all and creator of all. You have formed Kate and know her inside and out, You know what that little pumpkin needs and we pray that even though we don't understand everything we can trust that You know all and have a perfect plan. We can't wait to meet this precious baby in Your perfect timing. We love and praise you! Amen.
Love you Nik xoxo

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